I miss going to Mysore classes...

I miss my Mysore classes. I miss the feeling of doing yoga in a room with people who are doing similar things. Although it was not a very communal atmosphere; everyone was there for themselves really. So was I. It just felt really good to be in your own practice with people around you. I practice at home alone now. Different. I've been doing that for about 9 or 10 years now. I've become my own teacher finally. I thank all my teachers and teachers of the lineage for their work and guidance throughout my first 20 years (off and on) in my 30+ years of practice.  I keep you in my heart.

Yogas Citta Vrtti Nirodhah - Yoga Sutra #2

Yoga is "the control of thought waves of the mind" - as one translation of the Second Yoga Sutra states. Mr. Iyengar puts it another way, "Yoga is the cessation of movements in the consciousness." Sri Swami Satchitananda says it this way, that Yogas Citta Vrtti Nirodhah translates as "the restraint of the modifications of the mind-stuff is Yoga."

Stopping Your Thoughts

So . . . What now? What do I have to do? It sounds like your thoughts are like horses and all you have to do is build a fence around them and they'll stay corralled and under control. Or they're like a swarm of mosquitos; unlikable, pesky things that you shoo away with all get-out with some kind of fly swatter or bug repellent (the soy kind). Or perhaps more like a barking dog tied to a post and hopefully you can find the muzzle. Hmmm - I don't know how to do that with my thoughts. Do you? Do I deal with each thought separately or do I lump them all together?

When this is taught in most yoga or meditation classes, sometimes the translation of the sutra gets lost and teachers and students tend to talk about stopping a thought or a number of them. I suppose it's a Christian thing - you know, your thoughts are the sin or . . . it's not about what you think but rather what you do with the thought, or it is what you think and what you do with the thought, etc. Confusing, isn't it? It occurs to me that that must have been misquoted for centuries probably as well. Stopping thoughts always catches people up. After talking to a lot of people, it is the one thing that most fixate on.

The Thought About the Thought

What I've been taught and what I've experienced though, is that it is the movement of thought rather than the individual thought itself. But how do you stop movement? And is that what we're supposed to do? The movement of thoughts to me is like the movement of air like wind. Sometimes it's gusty, and sometimes it's gale force strength. And other times, it's a welcomed breeze. Thoughts flow constantly. Sometimes you take notice. Sometimes you don't. So when do you take notice of thoughts? When they bother you of course. When someone says something that just gets under your skin, or when something happens and you have a strong reaction to it - like you feel embarrassed, or when you have to get or do something because your life depended on it. All worthy thoughts. How many times have you reiterated a conversation in your head hours, days after the conversation - or before the conversation has even happened . . . even if you didn't want to think about it, yet there it is? What makes thought waves so powerful? Pema Chödron said that her teacher Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche would say - it is not the negative, but it is the negative about the negative. In other words, it is not the thought, but the thought about the thought which turns into another thought about that thought and so on, that gets us into trouble.

My First Meditation Retreat

I remember my first meditation retreat some years ago. I am a self-declared 'idea' person; Give me a problem and I will give you a number of solutions that are pretty creative and sometimes even original. Anyway, I was at this meditation retreat for the first time, sitting Zazen. I was determined to do a good job. I went with a friend who is a seasoned sitter, and so I mimicked him the first day. I sat for 4 hours straight without moving. OMG - I was so sore for the rest of the time. In order to get through this, I made sure I sat a lot (it was a very relaxed atmosphere about your schedule to sit - still very strict about eye contact and silence.) I battled the whole way through. I sat and sat, and still my thoughts came, ideas about: how to fix the roof; what gifts I can make each and every person there because they are so great; how much I wished I could eat (I was fasting as well); how much I wished I could wash my hair (little facility to do that at this place), and how I was right about being eaten alive by mosquitos (it was a hot week in August). Afterward, I told my teacher I found out how I wasn't as still and silent as I thought I was; I had always thought that I was a pretty laid back, quiet person. But I wasn't. Maybe that's why some of you don't want to do the meditation that asks you to be still. It can be a pretty shocking, and an eye opening experience, and some of you may not want to know. Through my years of practice, I learned that thoughts will always come and go, but it is most certainly about how your organism responds to those thoughts.

The Paradox of Still Mind

"Yoga is the suppression of the transformation of the thinking principle", as someone else puts it. Suppression? Hmm. I am not a fan of our potential interpretation of the word suppression. In psycho-talk, it can be interpreted as 'swallowing' or 'eating' your thoughts or words and that never ends well. How I have experienced this, "suppression of the transformation of the thinking principle" has taken a number of years of hard work to understand my reactive responses to external stimuli. Most of us react because we feel threatened by something/someone, or, we are anxious to prove something, and so on. What needs to happen is simultaneous to developing a Still Mind. Once you develop the Buddha Mind, you will realize that you are not separate and there is no threat (really) because there is no you. Before you develop Buddha Mind, you struggle with all the thoughts which anchor you into an identity that is separate. In other words, you need to develop Buddha Mind before you can transcend your reactionary self and you need to transcend your reactionary self before you can realize Buddha Mind. It is a paradox. Like peeling the onion, or chipping away at a stone. The only way through is to open your heart and risk the death that all of us are so afraid of - ego-death.

I always liked the word Transformation. Here it is talking about the transformation of the thinking principle. Transformation? Is a thought a thought if you don't react to it? Like the falling tree in the forest thing - it is a conundrum. Is the mind-stuff just like scattered dust particles in the air and only when you start to collect them do they become annoying dust-bunnies? Is that what "transforms" thought particles into real thoughts, whether you organize them, collect them or corral them?

Steps to Yoga

Movement of thoughts is the undulation of the mind when it is reactive. Now we're getting somewhere. It is not the thought that needs work, but the reactive mind. A lot of yogis/yoginis, swamis, etc. say that any kind of therapy is not necessary when you do yoga. But the key here is that you do "YOGA", not little 'y' yoga (mostly asana practice) or what it has now turned into because it is mostly a hedonistic practice to most - bhoga (meaning, doing yoga for its own sake for the appeasement of your own ego - i.e. look at what I can do). To do YOGA is to delve into the workings of your mind and how it effects your Being. Awareness is key, and to affect awareness, there needs to be some sort of dialogue (with a teacher who knows, a therapist who knows, etc.). But this is still not Wakefulness. Almost every yogi/yogini I know equates being aware of the present moment, of what you do or say in that moment, of how your organism reacts and so on, to and in line with Enligthenment. But this is not so. In awareness, there is still the "I" - You are aware.

The Heart Path

This is really only the beginning. The process that is the Heart Path will take you Home. The Heart Path really to me is about the final step toward Enlightenment and that is "Acceptance". You have seen who you are and you accept it. You don't try to hide, mask or manipulate it. You have seen the world as it is - truly, and you don't run from it, or hide. And you don't try to manipulate it. You have seen what other people are like and you don't do anything to change them. You just accept them. You have seen the truth of the wild, untamed world of animals, vegetable, mineral and you see them for what they are. Without greed or fear in your Heart. There is only Love.

My friend says this - Yoga (Union) is just that. You need nothing else. We're already there. Yoga IS the Cessation of the Thought Waves. That is Yoga. Yes, yes, yes I say. It is that simple.

. . . Yoga is the Stillness Within. Let It Be.

Walk with Grace.

Namaste

, 

Happy Happy Joy Joy

It is difficult these days to teach and discuss 'traditional' yoga - like Ashtanga, Iyengar, etc...because of this notion that only if you feel happy, elated, and bolstered, empowered during your yoga class are you doing something worthwhile. The whole idea that if you're not feeling that way, then you are somehow still "burdened by the pressures of everyday life" as one yoga (Anusara) teacher put it; that by virtue of the style of yoga that is perhaps more difficult during class somehow does not let you "rediscover that belief in infinite possibility" (as another teacher put it). I say - Bullshit.

I have always said that Anusara and the like have usurped the heart out of the other practices, and as a heart-felt, sincere, mindful practitioner and teacher, I do not appreciate it.

The Heart is in ALL Traditions of Yoga Practice (including Asana, Meditation, Satsang, etc.)

I am so tired of how Anusara and all its clones take away the joy that is inherent in the practice of yoga postures in all its traditions - even if it is not "playtime" in an Ashtanga class. It is so apparent that these teachers have abandoned the traditional yogas for the sake of appeasing their own egos. Truly, we are not kids any more and that notion that we must somehow get back to that, is a fallacy. It's steering those people who want to deepen and give birth to their true selves in the wrong direction. As 'adults' we know too much to become children again. And yes, we have a lot more responsibilities to actually be able to act like one and get away with it. But through the difficulties of life, we have a choice to make - either we hide behind the tricks of the ego acting like we are spirit which only accepts 'goofing off' as a way to be 'happy'. Or we can accept ourselves and others in cultivating a no-nonsense, present centered consciousness which sees things for what they are and in that find the burden of the pressures of everyday life lifting in the face of the truth. That is freedom. In becoming unburdened this way, we find true freedom, with that we are 'happy'.

The Way to Happiness

Unburdening yourself of the constraints of an ego that can't face 'ordinary', sometimes boring moments is the work of true yoga and is made accessible by embracing all aspects of yoga not only asana. Meditation, reading thoughtful spiritual books (not only the Power of Now. C'mon!), going to a really good therapist that recognizes Spirit as a part of our worldly experience, etc., all help to open you up to those 'infinite possibilities' beyond the pacification and gratification of our ego-ic nature.

What is really scary and really exciting about it all is that it takes years! Not months. Really, the work to unravel you; what you've built up over the years to protect you: your defenses, your opinions, your preferences all must dissolve to make all of this work and it's quite a journey. You don't entirely get rid of the ego (see my other writings). You need your ego to survive. So the first real step is to cultivate awareness. How you do that by convincing yourself that there is nothing you need to work on, is beyond me. Somehow though, it is thought that if you admit you have things to work on, you are admitting to being irreversibly flawed. That there is something 'wrong' with you. That you are unworthy of love and attention because you are not perfect. That, my friends, is the first thing to work on. It is not awful to admit to yourself that "I can be a real bitch/bastard sometimes". It is actually pretty freeing. And it's scary at the same time. Still, just because you grow to accept that about yourself doesn't mean you go around being one. Go toward the fear, the dislikes, the repulsions. See what they can teach you.

We Are All Perfect In Our Imperfection

There are many aspects of ourselves we don't know and won't know if the idea of admitting to our flaws repulses us. So the next step is acceptance of yourself. Can you accept that you are not perfect? And that Perfection IS in the acceptance of all that is you! When you accept that can you accept that people aren't perfect. That means everyone. If you can open your heart to that then you are well on your way.

Surround yourself with those who know that it is not readily accessible in just a few months. When you are with others who know, then when your ego flares up because it is fighting for its life, those around will show you the way to go deeper. Trust them even if what they say 'hurts' you or 'insults' you - that's a good way to tell your ego has a hold of you.

The Playground That Is Yoga

There's nothing wrong with being playful. In fact, all of this is play in one way or another. The key is to pair your asana practice with counseling, reading and meditation. Ask questions and accept guidance. Be wary of those who tell you to ignore or forget about the dark and move only into the light. Be wary of classes which only stress to appease your tendency to look for distractions and your ego-ic nature's incessant whining. And as well, be wary of those who say yoga is about being stern. Even the most disciplined class of Ashtanga, practiced with an open heart can be light-hearted and very loving.

The wonder of it all is that when you do this then there is joy. When you can stay focussed and present in the most difficult, challenging posture (for you) or situation, there is elation. When you can accept guidance and assistance without expressing arrogance, there is love. When you can look at yourself without criticism, there is peace. Let YOGA teach you this. Then life will be so much fun!

This was inspired by this blog post: http://yogaspy.com/2011/07/22/hooping-and-the-hybridization-of-yoga-in-america/#comment-4309

Asana Practice: Urdhva Dhanurasana

Yes. It has always perplexed me - Urdhva Dhanurasana. Even as I take the pose it is not very comfortable for me. I don’t feel ease and I can’t stay in it long. It took me years of concerted and sincere practice to even get me here.

I never learned from someone who could do this posture well. They are the kind of teacher who can’t believe you can’t do it. You know the teacher that says, just do this, or that, and they think it’s that easy. I had one teacher give up on me. That didn’t feel good.

So I took what I knew - by that time 20 years of practice, and started to practice on my own (doing it for 12 years now), and didn’t rely on a teacher to see me through. What I learned about my body: what it could do when I moved into things the way that it needed to, was a real eye opener. I learned a lot and my body opened up considerably after in the years that I’ve been teaching myself. I always told my students that the people with the most difficulty in postures are the lucky ones. We are the ones that really feel our bodies open and change and even tighten up again. We learn that there is an ebb and flow.

So it taught me that for me, Urdhva Danurasana was always going to be a challenge and the things like  Kapostasana, might not ever come. But it doesn’t mean I don’t venture into that realm of back bends - I keep practicing. There are days when I can feel what it’s all about. And then the next day it’s gone. I accept that about my body and that’s what yoga’s all about. Isn’t it?

So absolutely go slow. Ease into it. But most importantly - move as if there was no where to go. No goal in sight. Just keep expressing the energy of back bend, or forward bend, or inversion, or any other type of posture you’re doing. Doesn’t matter if it ‘looks’ like you are in the posture perfectly, it matters how deeply you can go into the feeling of the energy of the posture.

Ask me about anything: If you’re struggling with any posture including backbends, send me a note. I’d be glad to assist. 

A note from SBYC's FB page...wanted to share it here

Hi - while I genuinely appreciate the work and dedication of those who sincerely study, practice and teach yoga in their particular way to encourage, and effect change in social and individual consciousness, I can not allow the posting of these teachings on SBYC's FB site because I can not endorse the method with which they are presented at times.

I have a very clear notion of how yoga is to be presented, and with my heart, to me, it is not about joining a single group, following a particular swami, seeing 'god' as a separate and isolated entity that is beyond our intimate and personal knowledge, or advocating for the Light only, etc..

Everyone living is a separate entity - of course we all know that. And while practicing and studying these teachings we must remember that everyone is different. The human heart/mind has certain sensitivities, or preferences which guide an individual along their chosen path. These eventually dissolve to show that we are not separate at all. But in the initial stages of Self-discovery, our egoic nature gets caught up in the how we are read and seen by what we chose to do. It is a lonely path truly, because no one else feels or sees things the same way you do, and so the individual must begin and continue for years their journey in a way that speaks to them.

Anyone who has been walking the spiritual path knows this intimately. How many 'styles' of meditation, asana, teachers, books, workshops, retreats, have you gone through in your years of practice? This is good. Opening up to different practices and work, only deepens your process. It deepens the process sometimes by confusing us at first. The mind has a way of latching on to a particular thought or way by convincing itself that this is the ONLY way until the heart is no longer served by whatever it is, and must move on to find 'flow'. The searching will continue until the heart settles into a LOVE that is deep and eternal, and directed outward.

Yoga practices which include everything from asana styles, meditation traditions, Bhakti especially, all help to bring about Self-realization, Union with the Beloved.

I encourage you all to find your own path. To be still for a moment and really listen to what is being asked of you. Then move in that direction.

I am grateful that along your path you have stopped here if only for a moment.

Namaste

Peace!

Variation of Leg Behind the Head Pose...

Variation for leg behind the head pose. Working into it and stopping along the way.

I love to do this variation of the leg behind the head posture. Took me a long time to get here. When I’m here I feel a certain kind of freedom in my body and mind that only comes from the kind of practice that will get you here. For some people this is a posture that comes simply and naturally. For me it took about 10 years! Think about it…

On Our True Non-Dualistic Nature...

“We should find perfect existence through imperfect existence. We should find perfection in imperfection. For us, complete perfection is not different from imperfection. The eternal exists because of non-eternal existence. In Buddhism it is a heretical view to expect something outside this world. We do not seek for something besides ourselves. We should find the truth in this world, through our difficulties, through our suffering. This is the basic teaching of Buddhism. Pleasure is not different from difficulty. Good is not different from bad. Bad is good; good is bad. They are two sides of one coin. So enlightenment should be in practice. that is the right understanding of practice, and the right understanding of our life. So to find pleasure in suffering is the only way to accept the truth of transiency. Without realizing how to accept this truth you cannot live in this world. ..” - - Suzuki Roshi Zen Mind, Beginners Mind