Showing posts with label awareness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label awareness. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Spiritual Life...What It's Like...In the Real World...




It's like being the ocean.

The surface of the water because of its saltiness stays buoyant. It doesn't know the depth of the ocean, and stays happily afloat to tend to it's comings and goings.

Then it is churned up by a storm or a big wave and is brought under and gets caught in the current and so becomes aware of its own depth and a whole new world it didn't know about (or had forgotten about) opens up (awareness).

Perhaps the once surface of the ocean would like to stay down and discover this vast weightless, calm embodiment of Self, but because of the nature of the ocean, constantly churning and changing, reacting and flowing, the surface of the ocean will have to once again at some point become the surface. Once it's been churned and tossed around a bit, led and cradled by the depth of it, it will bring to the surface with it a part of that depth - it is no longer what it was.

The changes will continue to occur as long as the surface of the ocean allows itself to be taken to its depths. It will always resurface until one day, it is no longer the same as it started. If the ocean is stagnant - resists change - then the surface will forget its depth.

Let the wind, rain, storms, and currents of your life take you to your depths.

Peace!w

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Lessons of a Yogini


Lessons of a Yogini


The body is a funny thing. Every day is different. Last year I was able to almost reach the ground: about 2 inches to go. Then all of a sudden I was unable to get low at all. My inner thigh muscles were excruciatingly tight. No warning. Nothing. They just didn't want to play anymore.

My first reaction was - sadness - not anger. I was sad because "I've worked so hard..." etc. I was sad because I have the type of body that snaps back and sometimes can't do things I suppose a 'normal' body can - or what we think a normal body can - it snaps back and I basically have to start pretty close to the beginning again. I was sad because when you get to a certain stage in your practice there's a kind of flow that allows for that elusive sensation of freedom in the body which can be viscerally experienced and I lost that - at least I thought I had. I still feel it - even when I'm tight and my body seems uncooperative.


As I get older, I've realized a few things:


That this is really as far as I can go - physically. There are postures that I will never be able to do "successfully" - whatever that means.

That I know my body so well, that I can feel the small changes in my body which can be very satisfying, and therefore I work very smart these days.

And that what I was chasing in my early years of practice are not important anymore. Oh that doesn't stop me from working postures to the point of a good sweat or at least feeling satisfied with my efforts. But that pendulum swing back and forth of emotions about what my body looks like in the posture does not equal my efforts doesn't drive me.

I am grateful for all those years of effort though. The wish to be the best teacher drove me to really get to know postural yoga in a different way. In a way that was about asking the question: When I do postures, what makes it an aspect of YOGA? How am I expressing YOGA in an 'imperfect' body? Perseverance, courage and humility are the foundations of practice - am I expressing those? What is the difference between:


perseverance and greediness?
courage and ignorance?
humility and self-consciousness?


With those questions and more inspiration I became very attuned to my body, mind and spirit.
Back to the task of practice: it is more now about practicing and working on things as a matter-of-course rather than trying to get somewhere...fast.


So with the help of a combination of postures in my practice - including some unconventional ones like squatting sideways, with warrior twos and side angle, some seated and lying down hip openers. Now with a few months work I am slowly making my way down again. First time in months I am able to place my chest on the floor.
I am very content with my body and my practice these days. There is a certain amount of calm. That I suppose is what it means to really do YOGA.


Peace!


Friday, February 15, 2013

Yoga Asana Practice in LA


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I get up. I shower. I put my yoga gear on. I stand on my mat. I greet the day. I practice. My mat is already set out. There is no thought behind it. I just get on my mat as I would sit at my computer, sit in front of the tv, or wash the dishes. My practice is difficult today. I breath and move through it. I don’t go to studios anymore. I believe it is good to do my practice on my own. After years of practice, it comes naturally. My favorite part: sitting at the front of my mat and greet the universe.
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Thursday, November 8, 2012

Yogas Citta Vrtti Nirodhah - Yoga Sutra #2

Yoga is "the control of thought waves of the mind" - as one translation of the Second Yoga Sutra states. Mr. Iyengar puts it another way, "Yoga is the cessation of movements in the consciousness." Sri Swami Satchitananda says it this way, that Yogas Citta Vrtti Nirodhah translates as "the restraint of the modifications of the mind-stuff is Yoga."

Stopping Your Thoughts

So . . . What now? What do I have to do? It sounds like your thoughts are like horses and all you have to do is build a fence around them and they'll stay corralled and under control. Or they're like a swarm of mosquitos; unlikable, pesky things that you shoo away with all get-out with some kind of fly swatter or bug repellent (the soy kind). Or perhaps more like a barking dog tied to a post and hopefully you can find the muzzle. Hmmm - I don't know how to do that with my thoughts. Do you? Do I deal with each thought separately or do I lump them all together?
When this is taught in most yoga or meditation classes, sometimes the translation of the sutra gets lost and teachers and students tend to talk about stopping a thought or a number of them. I suppose it's a Christian thing - you know, your thoughts are the sin or . . . it's not about what you think but rather what you do with the thought, or it is what you think and what you do with the thought, etc. Confusing, isn't it? It occurs to me that that must have been misquoted for centuries probably as well. Stopping thoughts always catches people up. After talking to a lot of people, it is the one thing that most fixate on.

The Thought About the Thought

What I've been taught and what I've experienced though, is that it is the movement of thought rather than the individual thought itself. But how do you stop movement? And is that what we're supposed to do? The movement of thoughts to me is like the movement of air like wind. Sometimes it's gusty, and sometimes it's gale force strength. And other times, it's a welcomed breeze. Thoughts flow constantly. Sometimes you take notice. Sometimes you don't. So when do you take notice of thoughts? When they bother you of course. When someone says something that just gets under your skin, or when something happens and you have a strong reaction to it - like you feel embarrassed, or when you have to get or do something because your life depended on it. All worthy thoughts. How many times have you reiterated a conversation in your head hours, days after the conversation - or before the conversation has even happened . . . even if you didn't want to think about it, yet there it is? What makes thought waves so powerful? Pema Chödron said that her teacher Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche would say - it is not the negative, but it is the negative about the negative. In other words, it is not the thought, but the thought about the thought which turns into another thought about that thought and so on, that gets us into trouble.

My First Meditation Retreat

I remember my first meditation retreat some years ago. I am a self-declared 'idea' person; Give me a problem and I will give you a number of solutions that are pretty creative and sometimes even original. Anyway, I was at this meditation retreat for the first time, sitting Zazen. I was determined to do a good job. I went with a friend who is a seasoned sitter, and so I mimicked him the first day. I sat for 4 hours straight without moving. OMG - I was so sore for the rest of the time. In order to get through this, I made sure I sat a lot (it was a very relaxed atmosphere about your schedule to sit - still very strict about eye contact and silence.) I battled the whole way through. I sat and sat, and still my thoughts came, ideas about: how to fix the roof; what gifts I can make each and every person there because they are so great; how much I wished I could eat (I was fasting as well); how much I wished I could wash my hair (little facility to do that at this place), and how I was right about being eaten alive by mosquitos (it was a hot week in August). Afterward, I told my teacher I found out how I wasn't as still and silent as I thought I was; I had always thought that I was a pretty laid back, quiet person. But I wasn't. Maybe that's why some of you don't want to do the meditation that asks you to be still. It can be a pretty shocking, and an eye opening experience, and some of you may not want to know. Through my years of practice, I learned that thoughts will always come and go, but it is most certainly about how your organism responds to those thoughts.

The Paradox of Still Mind

"Yoga is the suppression of the transformation of the thinking principle", as someone else puts it. Suppression? Hmm. I am not a fan of our potential interpretation of the word suppression. In psycho-talk, it can be interpreted as 'swallowing' or 'eating' your thoughts or words and that never ends well. How I have experienced this, "suppression of the transformation of the thinking principle" has taken a number of years of hard work to understand my reactive responses to external stimuli. Most of us react because we feel threatened by something/someone, or, we are anxious to prove something, and so on. What needs to happen is simultaneous to developing a Still Mind. Once you develop the Buddha Mind, you will realize that you are not separate and there is no threat (really) because there is no you. Before you develop Buddha Mind, you struggle with all the thoughts which anchor you into an identity that is separate. In other words, you need to develop Buddha Mind before you can transcend your reactionary self and you need to transcend your reactionary self before you can realize Buddha Mind. It is a paradox. Like peeling the onion, or chipping away at a stone. The only way through is to open your heart and risk the death that all of us are so afraid of - ego-death.

I always liked the word Transformation. Here it is talking about the transformation of the thinking principle. Transformation? Is a thought a thought if you don't react to it? Like the falling tree in the forest thing - it is a conundrum. Is the mind-stuff just like scattered dust particles in the air and only when you start to collect them do they become annoying dust-bunnies? Is that what "transforms" thought particles into real thoughts, whether you organize them, collect them or corral them?

Steps to Yoga

Movement of thoughts is the undulation of the mind when it is reactive. Now we're getting somewhere. It is not the thought that needs work, but the reactive mind. A lot of yogis/yoginis, swamis, etc. say that any kind of therapy is not necessary when you do yoga. But the key here is that you do "YOGA", not little 'yyoga (mostly asana practice) or what it has now turned into because it is mostly a hedonistic practice to most - bhoga (meaning, doing yoga for its own sake for the appeasement of your own ego - i.e. look at what I can do). To do YOGA is to delve into the workings of your mind and how it effects your Being. Awareness is key, and to affect awareness, there needs to be some sort of dialogue (with a teacher who knows, a therapist who knows, etc.). But this is still not Wakefulness. Almost every yogi/yogini I know equates being aware of the present moment, of what you do or say in that moment, of how your organism reacts and so on, to and in line with Enligthenment. But this is not so. In awareness, there is still the "I" - You are aware.

The Heart Path

This is really only the beginning. The process that is the Heart Path will take you Home. The Heart Path really to me is about the final step toward Enlightenment and that is "Acceptance". You have seen who you are and you accept it. You don't try to hide, mask or manipulate it. You have seen the world as it is - truly, and you don't run from it, or hide. And you don't try to manipulate it. You have seen what other people are like and you don't do anything to change them. You just accept them. You have seen the truth of the wild, untamed world of animals, vegetable, mineral and you see them for what they are. Without greed or fear in your Heart. There is only Love.

My friend says this - Yoga (Union) is just that. You need nothing else. We're already there. Yoga IS the Cessation of the Thought Waves. That is Yoga. Yes, yes, yes I say. It is that simple.

. . . Yoga is the Stillness Within. Let It Be.

Walk with Grace.

Namaste

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Saturday, August 25, 2012


Equanimity is in essence a “…wholeness in a merciful awareness that clings to nothing and condemns nothing, that is simply a presence in which nothing obstructs the natural flow of loving kindness.” (quote from the book, Embracing the Beloved by Ondrea and Stephen Levine) To cling to nothing and condemn nothing that is in essence the enactment of being present to the awareness of a non-dualistic universe.
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