Lessons of a Yogini

The body is a funny thing. Every day is different. Last year I was able to almost reach the ground: about 2 inches to go. Then all of a sudden I was unable to get low at all. My inner thigh muscles were excruciatingly tight. No warning. Nothing. They just didn't want to play anymore.

My first reaction was - sadness - not anger. I was sad because "I've worked so hard..." etc. I was sad because I have the type of body that snaps back and sometimes can't do things I suppose a 'normal' body can - or what we think a normal body can - it snaps back and I basically have to start pretty close to the beginning again. I was sad because when you get to a certain stage in your practice there's a kind of flow that allows for that elusive sensation of freedom in the body which can be viscerally experienced and I lost that - at least I thought I had. I still feel it - even when I'm tight and my body seems uncooperative.

As I get older, I've realized a few things:

That this is really as far as I can go - physically. There are postures that I will never be able to do "successfully" - whatever that means.

That I know my body so well, that I can feel the small changes in my body which can be very satisfying, and therefore I work very smart these days.

And that what I was chasing in my early years of practice are not important anymore. Oh that doesn't stop me from working postures to the point of a good sweat or at least feeling satisfied with my efforts. But that pendulum swing back and forth of emotions about what my body looks like in the posture does not equal my efforts doesn't drive me.

I am grateful for all those years of effort though. The wish to be the best teacher drove me to really get to know postural yoga in a different way. In a way that was about asking the question: When I do postures, what makes it an aspect of YOGA? How am I expressing YOGA in an 'imperfect' body? Perseverance, courage and humility are the foundations of practice - am I expressing those? What is the difference between:

perseverance and greediness?

courage and ignorance?

humility and self-consciousness?

With those questions and more inspiration I became very attuned to my body, mind and spirit.

Back to the task of practice: it is more now about practicing and working on things as a matter-of-course rather than trying to get somewhere...fast.

So with the help of a combination of postures in my practice - including some unconventional ones like squatting sideways, with warrior twos and side angle, some seated and lying down hip openers. Now with a few months work I am slowly making my way down again. First time in months I am able to place my chest on the floor.

I am very content with my body and my practice these days. There is a certain amount of calm. That I suppose is what it means to really do YOGA.

Peace!

I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore (well I'm mildly perturbed...haha)

Most of the time when I search for yoga sites for someone to follow because there is a resonance with their approach to the yoga practice: that, it is true and unencumbered, I can't find any. Pages upon pages are full of people doing 'stunt' yoga like that's where it's at or all about.

I'm getting really tired of it. You're just a bunch of showoffs. Really. Big deal, you can bend over backward and kiss your own ass. Big deal that you can put your leg behind your head. Big deal that you can do a handstand! Any circus freak can do what you are constantly bombarding us with on your websites and your blogs. And I don't think they're (the circus freaks) doing "yoga". They're creating a spectacle that is the circus.

Yes, I can do most of it. There are still things I struggle with daily. But that's what teaches me.

Yes - it looks pretty. BIG DEAL. Do you even know what yoga is? I don't think you get it. Yeah yeah, you're so impressive, that you can do that. Whoop! But that's what it's really all about for you isn't it? You crave for attention. For people out in the world to look at you and say, oh, I want to follow you. You're gorgeous or remarkable (because they are saying to themselves, I can't do that - so you must be great.) And stop blogging the perfect beautiful photo of yoga. Take a picture of yourself doing a pose. Yeah! That's part of the teaching. Would you dare to show yourself in a not so perfect pretty pose? Would you? The real learning of yoga is to get over that...as a individual, as a business, and as a culture.

Show me you're not perfect. If you want to keep showing those pristine shots on your website, then that's fine just don't call it YOGA! It's not yoga.  For crying out loud. Enough already! It's fouling around with what looks like yoga postures. And please don't write me about how a yogini wouldn't get mad. I am channeling 'Kali". You know Kali - the hindu goddess of creation and destruction! Sometimes things must be destroyed to create something new. And it's about time!

Please send me your not-so-perfect-yoga-asana-pic, I'd love to see it!

The Hard Lessons You're About to Learn... (Part 1)

When did having a yoga class in a boutique or tea house or any other retail space become a good way to market a business? What does it say about that business? Is it cool? Hip? Chic? Interesting? Relevant? What does it say about us? What is this need to identify with anything that uses yoga as a catalyst for more sales? Has yoga become a label to identify ourselves with those other cool, relevant people? Has it become exclusive in the way that if you don't do yoga then we don't want you around? Has "YOGA" become so vapid in the eyes of those who do it that it's only use is to help promote, sell, or trend? Has yoga become just another item on the list of must-haves at the party of the year?

The attachment to the physical aspect of yoga (asana) without the graciousness of the spiritual aspect has led those who choose to believe it, marginalize yoga to the place of workout, the fountain of youth, and just another thing to help you relax at the spa. All fine benefits of yoga, yes, but not the raison-d'etre. Bringing yoga to our ego-ic level and understanding lessens its impact on our organism: our being. Projecting onto yoga all the same stuff of ego-identity that drive some to have face lifts, be the first to do: to have something, to brag, undermines yoga's essential and primary benefit: union with the Beloved. the Divine Heart, God, the energy of the cosmos. However you like to "name" it, it is all that and more. (As Ramana Maharshi says, to even name it, you have lost your connection to it.) All the stuff that yoga asks you to shed (boosting, grasping, attaching, hating) is actually amplified by the need to make it a part of who you think you are...all the adjectives: good, nice, chill, spiritual, cool, hip, relevant, interesting.

With the words, "I-do-yoga" come many reactions. There's a definite stigma: bad or good. Some of us let other's reactions dictate what we do. It used to be that I never talked openly about my practice or my teaching in front of my family because of all the jokes about it.

Yoga is NOT any of it.

Haha - but that publicly traded yoga wear corp (I even dislike mentioning the name because I don't want to market them) have helped shape the way in which yoga is seen, how we interact with it. Yoga, for a lot of people, has become just another commodity to exploit like anything that trends in social media: flavor of the moment. Look what they've started. And by a guy (the owner) who says he doesn't  do yoga. What a great little marketer. He's helped shape a generation of displayers: Look at what I can do; at what I've got; at who I know...or I've seen (rather).

Is this really the way you want to experience yoga?

Yoga asks you to be the antithesis of a good little marketer. To do without thought of reward. To give without thought of recompense. The lesson is to learn to shake this illusion (maya) of the material world and what you need from it...happiness, love, connection, comfort, prestige. It's all there, you've already got it all. But if yoga is used and not practiced then it can never bring you into the light of day and help shed the doubt that looms over us like a darkening cloud.

The emptiness is always there whether the material world seems to give you everything...you have become a slave to that idea...ask anyone who is encountering their own mortality!

It's a hard lesson to learn. But I will gladly teach anyone willing to go there! Are you? Willing I mean...